![]() Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering." Ooooh that feels good " ![]() The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.ĭue to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. ![]() I didn't have long to wait.Īt first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. To learn more about how and for what purposes Amazon uses personal information (such as Amazon Store order history), please visit our Privacy Notice.Īfter having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.īeing a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types.oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Cookie Preferences, as described in the Cookie Notice. Click ‘Continue without accepting’ or ‘Customise Cookies’ to decline these cookies, make more detailed choices or learn more. Third parties use cookies for the purposes of displaying and measuring personalised advertisements, generating audience insights, and developing and improving products. This includes using first- and third-party cookies which store or access standard device information such as a unique identifier. If you agree, we will also use cookies to complement your shopping experience across Amazon stores as described in our Cookie Notice. ![]() We also use these cookies to understand how customers use our services (for example, by measuring site visits) so we can make improvements. We use cookies and similar tools that are necessary to enable you to make purchases, to enhance your shopping experiences, and to provide our services, as detailed in our Cookie Notice.
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